Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it will get you nowhere.
I have anxiety.
I am a control freak.
I am conflicted all the time.
I worry – about me, my mom, my friends, the universe.
Infact, I should make ‘worry’ my middle name.
I don’t know why, but I’ve always been a worrier.
I worry if my friends don’t reply to my messages within a five minute window.
I worry if my mom is sick and alone at home.
I worry if my best friend doesn’t call me back.
I worry if I accidentally hurt someone.
I worry if my blood report isn’t sent to me in spite of multiple phone calls to the laboratory. Actually, that just pissed me off.
Basically, I have an affliction towards worrying. It’s my daily bread and butter.
Can’t live with it, can’t live without it.
So, why am I worried?
I guess it has a lot to do with my anxiety and a pinch of control freak tendencies.
Yes, I have OCD too. Did I mention I’m hypersensitive?
I’m the whole package aren’t I?
Nonetheless, I’m worried that I worry too much. Yes, what I wrote is funny, but it’s still true.
I feel that worrying so much is unhealthy. It’s not bringing in any positive influence in my life.
However, it is increasing my anxiety levels.
You might be thinking, ‘Then stop worrying!’ Well, I’ve been thinking about that too. Sadly, it isn’t that easy to stop being so neurotic. Thankfully, I’m not alone on the worrying front.
My best friend loves to worry. In fact, she begins worrying about things a good three to four months in advance.
She was eating my head over a job confirmation for the last three months. She kept bringing it up in every single conversation we had.
It drove me nuts. It drove her nuts. It collectively made us crazy.
Eventually, she stopped worrying about the confirmation and I stopped worrying about her (that’s a lie).
I still worry about myself though.
My biggest fear at the moment is securing a job.
I’ve applied for multiple vacancies and nothing solid has come through. I also got rejected for a position as well and that’s been upsetting too.
It’s been a fun week *sarcasm alert*
I guess I’m worried about a handful of things.
I worry that I won’t get a job.
I worry that I’ll be confined to these four walls at home.
I worry that I won’t find a way to become financially secure while I try to get a job.
I worry that the universe won’t be kind to me.
I worry that I won’t be able to rewrite my story.
I worry that I’m running out of time.
I worry, period.
I’m also scared.
I’m scared of losing hope. I’m scared of losing my strength. I’m scared of not being able to get up after another fall.
Inspite of being scared, worried and anxious, I’m still hopeful. I continue to cling on to the last threads of hope.
Hope – it’s my driving force, the reason to wake up in the morning.
I hope things will change.
I hope my efforts will bear fruit.
I hope the hardships will end soon.
I hope there’ll be a lot to rejoice in.
I hope the universe will smile down on me once again.
I hope all goes well.
As I hold on to hope,
For a better tomorrow,
I’ll keep hanging on,
One day at a time.
And as I wait,
I’ll reach out to the ocean,
I’ll listen to music,
I’ll read books,
Things will change,
For the better.